Happy New Year! I gave up making new year’s resolutions many years
ago, for the simple reason, and I don’t think I am alone, that after a few days
most of the resolve to keep the resolutions has gone out the window!
And I don’t have any big plans for 2021 either! The older I have
grown, the more I realise how fragile life is, and living one day at a time definitely
seems to be the best way for me to tackle life now. I have plenty of dreams and
aspirations, but my life is in God’s hands and so I trust Him to direct my
steps each day.
Within your heart you can make plans for your
future, but the Lord chooses the steps you take to get there. Proverbs 16:9 (Passion translation).
In the past, I have refrained from publicly sharing my personal situation, but it seems the right
time now to explain why it is so necessary for me to live just one day at a time. My brilliant, clever, quick-witted, wonderful
husband - gifted lecturer, College principal, author, preacher, who has given
his life in Christian service to others - the love of my life for 54¾ years, has
dementia.
I’ve been through all the emotions imaginable over the last four or five years – the heartbreak of knowing that the man you married no longer exists, the grief
of seeing a brilliant mind reduced to not even a shadow of what it was, the
frustration that he cannot remember that he had a meal two minutes earlier, the
distress of his now more frequent asking where Val is, or asking me to phone his wife, and the tension
of trying to find diversional tactics so that he will not get agitated and upset when I
cannot fulfil the impossible requests he makes, like his urgent plea for me to “take
him to his home” while he waits in the comfortable house that we have called
home for ten years.
I hope that helps in understanding why my craft output is so much
reduced these days and my blog posts have been scarce!
I should add that, while hubby is eligible to enter a facility with full nursing care, it is my choice to care for him 24/7 at home while I am able. I am ever so thankful for our wonderful Australian government that gives support in the form of a Home Care Package with help with showering, vacuuming, mopping and mowing. We are blessed to live in Australia!
I am thankful that most nights I can still sit in my recliner and do some stitching. Being creative is so soul-restoring after a hard day! Small designs are much more attainable for me than big quilts, so over the
last couple of years, in between other bits and pieces, I have been putting together some sweet little patterns. It has now come together as a wall-hanging which I have called "Gentle Gems", and I am able to present it as my 2021 monthly project.
The plan is to release the patterns on the second Sunday of the month - so it all begins next Sunday, January 10th.
It is designed to use up your scraps, is full of applique and embroidery, it’s
portable – no sewing machine required – and maybe you will learn a few new
stitches. Make sure you come back next week to see the full design!
Warm regards
Val
18 comments:
I lived your life for 8 years with my husband. He too was a very intelligent person with a Ph.D in Microbiology and an M.D. degree and was a leader in the field of dermatologic surgery. At one time we travel to Melbourne where he and two other physicians presented seminars to the local physicians. I too, looked after him 24/7 and he exhibited the same traits your husband. I could have written the same words about him. I did have to place him in a care center for the last 1 1/2 years of his life due to agitation and aggressive behavior. Most difficult decision I ever had to make, but the right decision. As time goes on, you must also think and care of yourself. Right now you are literally not aware of the heavy toll being his caregiver is taking on you and your body. My prayers are with you. Take care and be well.
Val, I will be praying for you & your precious husband. It is hard to imagine what you are going through, but know that the Lord will never leave you or forsake you. I lost my first husband over 22 years ago, but he had cancer amongst other health issues. May God bless you and keep you in His loving care, Catherine Colquhoun.
Dementia is such an awful disease...on the person as well as the caretaker who has to watch the decline. My prayers are with you both as you travel through this life. I'm very thankful for the support you are receiving from your government. I know God will bless you as you care for him.
Lifting you both up in prayer. Thank you for your lovely designs.
Oh dear, Val. I am so sorry for what you are going through. What you have described is not the first time I've heard this. My heart aches for you while I admire your strength and endurance for going through it at home. Life cannot be easy for you. I'm also in empathy with you about making resolutions - NOT! You're the first person I follow who has recently blogged without making resolutions. You and I are like-minded... there's no rush or determination to DO anything. Living each day as desired is the best way to achieve contentment and peace. I'm glad you find that in stitching. Hmmm. Maybe I'm just saying, "We're both full of the wisdom of the aged." Ha, ha. May God bless and strengthen you through these challenging days. May your 2021 be full of hope in Him.
Val,
Thankyou somuch for your patterns. You do such beautiful work. I have not finished this last one, but do plan on it. I can't wait to see what you have made. I have friend going through the same thing with her mother. She has posted some stories of things that happen daily. Some days with laugh with her others we cry with her. It has helped her to be able to talk about them. But here she doesn't get help, except from her husband. Know I am praying for you. Rebecca A. Britton
Thank you so much for your very honest comment. It is so helpful to hear that others have been through the same thing! Your encouragement is really appreciated.
Thank you so much, Catherine, for your kind comment and encouragement. Your prayers are really appreciated. May God bless you too, Val
Val, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. One day at a time is the only way to go. We never know what the future hold for us. I lost my husband in 2020, and certainly never expected that. You will be in my prayers.
How wonderful that you are caring for him at home, keeping him in surrounds with which he is familiar, even if he doesn't remember that he is. I have enjoyed reading some of his writing and am so glad you shared that with me. Thank you for the 2021 projects to come. I look forward to them. Bits and pieces is all I seem to manage at this point.
Oh dear ...how very sad for you and your family. It is a tough job to do what you are doing. It is good to have that restful time at the end of the day. And well done on getting another BOM organised.
Remember you do need to look after yourself a bit too.
Dear Val, My thoughts and prayers are with you, as you go through this stressful time. I, too was a caregiver for my husband, who also had dementia. My quilting and embroidery, were my stress release. Many times it was your patterns that I was embroidering. Small projects work wonders. Know that you are much appreciated. Many prayers coming your way, for both you and your husband.
Thank you, Jean, for reaching out to me at this time. It is so helpful to know that others have been there and know what it’s all about! Your prayers are really appreciated.
Val, I thought your hubby looked quite unwell when you shared a photo recently. I agree about living one day at a time at our age. My cousin overseas lost his wife suddenly a few days before Christmas and she was only 65. She died in her sleep without any indication of a prior illness. Still God is in control and our times are in His hands. Doing craftwork certainly is a necessity! 😉
Dearest Val, you and your dear man are now in my prayers...I just want to reach through this screen and hug you so tight. You are an example of Christ's selfless love, yet I mourn for the loss of what you once had. May His hand be felt each and every day upon your shoulder, His still small voice speaking words of life and hope as you sleep, His comfort a heavenly quilt wrapping you in His mercy.
Hugs
Jenny
xx
Dear Val, You emailed me months ago to tell me what you have been going through, but I haven't got around to replying because I've had my own problems here to deal with and felt that I couldn't offer you words of support.
An old friend of ours was a lawyer for a multi national company and died a few years ago at the age of 68 from complications of dementia. It was heart breaking to see him change so rapidly; why is it that so many clever minded people fall victim to this disease? The medics tell us to keep using our brains to ward off dementia, yet some of the most brilliant minds die from it.
Stay strong, and heed the advice of others here - look after yourself because the Carer needs to stay well in order to continue caring.
Hugs
Gina
My heart is heavy for you dear Val. You are very brave and strong to care for your beloved husband. May God be with you every day. Blessings that you are able to stitch your lovely designs. Love and Gentle Hugs...xo
Keeping thoughts of you both close to my heart, Val.
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